How it all began…

She has thought all of it through a million times and has replayed it in her head over and over again.  

Many may think her thought process is selfish, but she truly feels like she’s lost. For 24 months & 16 days she has tried but still cant begin to grasp the concept of why.  She still cant get over the heartbreak.  She cant get over the fact that him and him alone ruined her life and the life of her children. She cant get over the fact that after almost 4 years, at the  blink of an eye he wakes up one morning & walks away without a care in the world.  She can’t get over the fact that he tried to leave her and her children, including his son homeless.  Without power, food, a roof over their heads, not even a pack of diapers.  

She cant get over the fact that after spending years with her children, he would belittle them, insult them, and like a big bully, verbally abuse them to anyone who would listen.  All of that?  For what?  

He broke her down to nothing.  She looks in the mirror and absolutely hate what she sees.  She spent over 3 grand reshaping her body with the hopes that he would one day say “Wow, what did I give up?”

She gave him everything.  Her heart, mind, body, love, her soul.  She is broken. She has absolutely nothing left to give anyone.  He drained her of everything.  

She looks at her life now verses just a few short years ago when she had it all and cries.  She doesn’t understand how it got to this point.  How could she let someone suck the life out of her?  Here she is, 2 years later & she have yet to recover.  Instead she masks the hurt & pain.  

She lays awake with Pablo inside of her, often times disgusted with herself.  She gives Pablo her all, yet all she can think of is her one true love.  

Often she can’t function or cope without Pablo by her side.  She cant get through one day without a reminder of what was.  She can’t get through a night with out taking so many pills that it’s amazing that she wakes up the next morning.  She has found herself ooking at her gun & imagining how quick it could all be over.  She looks at her children & imagines how better off they might be without a mother that is broken.  

Heartbreak is real. Heartbreak hurts.  Heartbreak will make any person fall & crumble.  Heartbreak will bring any sane person to the depths of despair.  To the point of no return, especially when you dont understand why.  She’s a good person.  She’s a loving person. She’s that person anyone can rely on. She’s that person who is there for anyone at anytime. She’s that person who would sacrifice there last.

Now she’s that person who is a wreck.  She’s that person that cant function anymore.  He took all that she had in her. He took her heart, and destroyed it.  He destroyed her light.  He destroyed her peace. He destroyed any hopes & dreama she had for her life.

The cold, evil, vengeful, unapologetic, unforgiving, incapable of feeling anything other than hate, bitter woman is who she has become.

This was it. The demise of “Constar” & the birth of “Coko Chanel”.

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