4.27.17

9:07 am…

The further I go, the less I care.  Is today the day?  Tomorrow?  OD?  Heart Attack?  It’s almost like I’ve given up.  I look at my kids & I know that they are THE ONLY reason why I’m still here.  But even still, the depression becomes so much that I’m battling them.  

I’m turning into the 2 people who I said I never wanted to be like.  Bridgette & Barbara & it kills me.  The emotional abuse I inflict sometimes is so sad.  I dont even realize I’m doing it until it’s to late.  Sad part is, it’s to the people who don’t deserve it.  

Day and Night the misery becomes to much. The pain, hurt, anger, heartache.  When will it end?  Or will it ever end?  I am so alone.  I have nothing or no one. Everyone has left. People have turned.  I am in the most fucked up place right now.  

I indulge and indulge thinking will this time be the time that I’ve indulged too much? 

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